An Ode to (College) Parenthood

By Kira Forber

Perhaps my favourite of Oxford’s peculiar traditions... beginning my second year at the University has brought with it the priceless gift of three fresher children. After a year of benefitting from the positivity and support of my wonderful college parents, I could not wait to impart my ‘wisdom’ to the upcoming class. After spending way too much time drafting, re-drafting, and selecting pictures that were the perfect balance of funny, approachable, and interesting, my college wife and I finally created a letter for our children that (hopefully) reassured any doubts they had. So, what exactly is the college parent system?

At Brasenose College, the college I belong to, (up the nose!!), the college-parent system works simply and reciprocally. Upon joining the college, in the summer before you are due to begin, a beloved letter blesses your inbox, from two or perhaps three individuals who have agreed to get married and reproduce, figuratively. This letter contains all the information you could need about college life, socials, and even a guide to all of Oxford’s admittedly confusing lingo (for example, what on earth is a BOP, and where does DTB lead me?? Down the bar, of course). Helpfully, one of your college parents will also study the same subject as you, or at least a very similar one, often in the case of Modern Languages, and so will be on hand with any queries you have about reading lists, seminars and tutorials, etc. Your siblings belong to the subject of your other parent, so this is another brilliant way to mix with different people in your year. At some point during your first year, you propose and marry a person of your choice who isn’t doing your subject, and the family line continues

Providing a moment of calm and stillness in a week full of activity, your college parents are on hand from the very beginning. Freshers’ week brings with it a blur of memorising, socialising, and again, memorising – seriously, you will not learn more names in one week again in your life (probably). Whilst this can be overwhelming, there are a million ways to take a moment to breathe and recharge. Halfway through the week, a college family dinner takes place – this is where you pray that your parents can cook. With three courses on offer, cooked/baked with love, family dinner is a brilliant opportunity to feel even more comfortable with your parents and siblings, unpack some of the week’s events, and ask any further questions you might have.

The love doesn’t stop here, of course. Family for all your degree, I still regularly pester my mum with inane questions like, “Are the hobs induction??” and “Where do we get the college punts from??”. Whilst the whole system could indeed just be referred to as a mentor/buddy scheme, why take the magic out of shouting “OMG GRANDMA HI” at an unsuspecting finalist across quad??